I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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