he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
