I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
