Kiss
Puke
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
