I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
