I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
