Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My breasts were aching with rage.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize