So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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