Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Jerry, you need to find god
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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