Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
