I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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