FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
