JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I intend to get homeless drunk
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
