I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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