You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
