They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
