i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
