even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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