new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
