just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Randomize
