I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
