is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
