I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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