i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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