just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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