I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
