i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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