I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You pole danced in your parka.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize