ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
