I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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