yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
