I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
