im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
