that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
