Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
