I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
