Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
