Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
