first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize