I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
