thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
