i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
