he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
