Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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