She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize