So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
