Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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