Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
