just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
