you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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