just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just invented taco cereal.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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