I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
