Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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