You did not just play the dead husband card again.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
