Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
