we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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