i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
