I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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