It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
