Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
