He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
