her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
