discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize