Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
