so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize