sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
