He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
