She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
