how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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