M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
