I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
