I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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