So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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