It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize