new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
