Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
