she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
