you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize