if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize