Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
