he thought i was a dude.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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