Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
