imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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