Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
