I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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