no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
