By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
