No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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