Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
