Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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