he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
should my penis look like a turkey
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
