Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize