Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
