Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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